I’m really good with names. It’s something I pride myself on, and it probably began during my Boys & Girls Club days. When you have 300 middle schoolers on any given day running around after school, and are partially responsible for their well-being and safety, it matters. 

Because I’m really good with names, my honest and immediate reaction is annoyance when someone says to me, “I’m just not good with names”. (insert eye roll emoji)

Too often, I think we accept our flaws. “I’m just not good at drawing” or “I’m just not good at running”.
It doesn’t come naturally (or easily), so we accept our “just not good ats”. 

But like drawing and running (questionable, but go with me), you can get better at being good with names. 

After the exclamation of “it’s a boy!” or “it’s a girl!” when a baby is born, the first thing declared is our name. Usually, from an exhausted mother or a proud father, this declaration clarifies who we are. There seem to be one of two camps – parents who toil for months over picking the right name or parents who know with absolute certainty before the baby is even conceived. (Here’s looking at you, Jenna – the biggest One Tree Hill fan, and your daughter, Brooke. There simply was no other option. And same for Ben.)

The number of times I get “Michelle” is honestly a bit alarming. Sure, there’s an “M”, and if I’m being generous, I will give you that. But beyond that, nothing else aligns. Beautiful, but that’s not my name. 

They call me quiet
But I’m a riot
Mary-Jo-Lisa
Always the same
That’s not my name
That’s not my name
That’s not my name
That’s not my name

The Ting Tings. “That’s Not My Name”

As a kid, I remember looking up my name in the dictionary, and I loved it. One definition said “Queen Bee Goddess” and of course, I never forgot that one. “Honeybee” was another generous definition that I remember loving. 

And here’s the irony – most people don’t actually call me Melissa, which I love. I have more nicknames that I can count – Tina, Tina Marie, Tina Jane, TJ, Boo, Boo Bear, Beauty, Dee Dee, Kitty, Kitty Kat, Queeniee – and those are just from my mom and dad.

Melis, Melly, Smelly, Mel, Melba (this one used to be my least favorite but I’ve turned a corner), Melby, Magoo, Sis, Sissy, Jigga, Jig, Nina, Neen, Neenareenee…but never Missy. My dad never wanted that. 

One more fun fact – I also have a Tia Melissa. So it really was destined to be my name and the fact that there was already a Melissa in my family clearly didn’t matter. 

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I dedicated you,
a prophet to the nations I appointed you.

Jeremiah 1:5

Knowing someone’s name and using it intentionally, with genuine care and admiration, is a free gift worth giving. Next time you meet someone, take the extra 10 seconds to let it sink in. At the restaurant or check out stand, ask their name. Use their name intentionally. Help them feel seen, known, and loved. 

P.S. Bonus points if this post made you think of this scene.