A few years back, my roommate and I were watching The Bachelor. It was the third-to-last episode where the Bachelor goes to meet the families of the final four women. “Hometown dates,” as they call them, are when things start to get real. It’s playoff season now, baby. 

All of the women are so excited to introduce the Bachelor to their families. The dates usually begin with a romantic day around town, showing him their favorite spots, their high school, and if picturesque enough, a horseback ride, walk along the coast, or carriage ride through town. Then…they go home. 

And they almost all go the same way. Anxious parents and siblings welcome the contestant with tears and big hugs after having no communication with them for a few weeks. Behind her is the handsome bachelor, usually with a big bouquet of flowers for the mother of one of his four girlfriends. Beaming smiles and starry eyes abound while the woman usually talks about why the Bachelor is special and how cosmic their connection is. Then…the “can I pull you aside for a minute” conversation. 

Usually, the dad, big brother, or opinioned sister pull the Bachelor aside to have a little chat. While that is happening, the show pans toward the contestant in another room with the other family members. 

Now, of the 20+ seasons of the Bachelor, I’ve probably watched at least half of them…if not more. But this time around, something was different. As we watched the first 3 out of 4 hometown dates go down, something happened. My roommate turned to me and said, “for once, I’d like to hear a family say, ‘You know what — go for it! Live into it and fall in love. And if you’re the one at the end, we’ll celebrate with you. And if not, we’ll be here to love and support you, no matter what.’ 

Now would you hold me
With all the weight of what we could be
Seen it before
Know it can happen
Lifetime of joy
Farewells and sadness
Now baby that’s romantic

Johnnyswim. Devastating.

I miss watching tv with her. (It sounds like she’s dead, but she’s not…it’s just that her reality tv days are behind her FYI.) 

I remember loving her perspective. When it’s someone we love deeply, we’re so afraid of them getting hurt. Our protector part comes out strong and  something like this feels so risky, especially when it plays out on national television. Which, I might add, the woman chose to do. 

As we kept diggin this apart, one of us came up with the analogy of Barbie. For some people, Barbie comes in a box and that’s right where she stays. As a collector’s item, she is there not to be played with, float from the convertible to her dream house, nor be put in mismatched clothes with the tiniest little high heels that must be nearly impossible to manufacture. She stays confined, on a shelf, just to be an object. 

From that point on, we often talked about living our lives as “out of the box” Barbie. Life is meant to be lived, which includes love and heartbreak, joy and pain, elation and suffering. That is life, if we are so lucky. 

“I came so that they might have life and have it more abundantly.” – John 10:10

Last year, I picked a word for the year  — a common practice where the year is set with intentionality over a word or a phrase to be as a guide post for the year ahead. And I picked the word “abundant”. I knew when I did that, it didn’t mean abundance of only good. I knew that it meant that it could, or more likely would come with the hard part of abundance as well. But I picked it anyways. And I don’t regret it. 

I wish I could say that the abundance was all good. Maybe in the back of my mind, I thought that I would be pleasantly surprised and spared from “bad” abundance and only experience “good” abundance. But alas, abundance of all kinds came my way. Like the women who choose to go on The Bachelor, I knew what I was doing. I knew I might get hurt. I might be disappointed. I might not get my way. Or I might win. 

I could write a whole book on last year. But for today, I’m thinking about that choice. The choice to take myself out of the box and maybe get scraped, bruised, or a bad haircut (which maybe was payback for butchering my Barbie head as a child). But the choice that also came with flying around to new cities and countries I’d never seen, potential (and short lived) love interests, meeting my favorite celebrity, and countless memories with some incredible people.

Is it even worth it if there ain’t heartbreak waiting . . .
Come on Barbie, let’s go party!